we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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