remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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