addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
