Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
