Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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