He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
