Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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