ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
