When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
