I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
