I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
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