I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
