so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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