I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
