We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
