Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
