She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
