ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
