I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
