I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
