I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
