So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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