Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
