we're chasing vodka with high fives
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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