oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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