We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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