if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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