I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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