Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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