I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
