i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
