it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
