All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
