apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i will never coherently bang her
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
