How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
