Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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