"it" just moved
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
