I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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