I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
