That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
