She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
