Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
