I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
