how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
