I love black thongs
My nipple is on Facebook.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
