Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
