It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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