The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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