At least make sure they are 18
Why
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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