I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just want to make out with him forever
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
