Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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