I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize