I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have post one night stand depression
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