I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
