whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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