Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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