It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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