I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
