please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
