20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
