She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
