Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
