i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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