Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
