Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
