I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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