Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
