I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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