I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
