my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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